Spicy Chicken Fried Rice

Have you ever met someone who you knew would change your life? Someone who, the second you met them, you could feel an undeniable chemistry with?

I've never really felt that, to be honest, but I've come close. I was new at the office, sucked at my job and didn't know anybody. I was just the "new girl" who was always getting in trouble for having a big "X" in the middle of a headline. That was me.

I can't talk about that anymore. It gives me anxiety. Amber understands.

One day, when I'd had just about all I could take, one of my co-workers, Pam, handed me some Tupperware that was filled with this fried rice. After one bite, I was transformed. It was truly the turning point in my job and changed my relationship with Pam. She loves me now. Every time she answers the phone with, "Leave me alone, stalker," I know she says it out of love. And it's all because she gave this to me.

Pam didn't give me the recipe, but after eating it enough times, I think I've figured it out. So I'm sharing this with you in hopes that it will change your life/career/marriage.

I have high hopes for this rice.

  • Half bag rice
  • 3 boneless skinless chicken breasts
  • Olive oil
  • Ginger powder
  • Asian hot sauce
  • 1 can sliced carrots
  • 3 scrambled eggs

  • Cook the rice as instructed on the package. I've accepted that most of you will use white rice, but in my home, my husband forbids it. Have I mentioned that he's lost over 50 lbs and I've gained 2? Now that is depressing.
  • Chop the boneless skinless chicken breasts up into the smallest pieces possible. Without cutting off your finger, of course. The smaller they are, the better they'll blend in with all the fixins.
  • Throw it all into a LARGE pan with a little olive oil over high heat.
  • Add a few shakes of ginger powder.
  • Don't ask me what kind of hot sauce I used. I don't speak Chinese, Vietnamese, or any other "ese." All I know is that it's hot, they sell it at WalMart, and there's a big chicken on the front.
  • Now if you've been following me long at all, you know that I'm not huge on measurements, unless it's absolutely necessary. Having said that, you should add as much of this as you can stand. It is quite spicy, but that's the point, right? Oh, and don't be afraid of the consistency of the sauce. It's like ketchup, but it doesn't taste anything like it.
  • Keep it on high heat, stirring frequently. You want the chicken to absorb the sauce, if that's even possible. It sure seems possible. You'll see.
  • While that's going on, grab a can of sliced carrots, or grab a few fresh ones. Chop 'em up into teeny-tiny pieces and add them to the chicken. Lower it to medium heat.
  • Now we're going to scramble the eggs. Stir them up and add a splash of water to make them fluffy.
  • Keep them over medium-high heat until they're almost cooked. We want them to be a little wet since they'll be in the big pan with all the other ingredients.
  • Add them in with the chicken and carrots.
  • Chop up the eggs until they're very small pieces and mix up all 3 ingredients.
  • Add the rice to the mixture. This is why we use a BIG pan.
  • Mix it up until the rice is an orange shade. If your rice is still light colored, you need to a) mix it up more, and b) add more hot sauce. I did both. And so should you. If I were you, I'd stir this very slowly. I learned that the hard way. 
  • Add some olive oil, put it back on high heat, and let it "fry." I left it on the stove for another 10 minutes or so, stirring it every 2 minutes.

There ya' go! Remember, this is spicy, but it's one of those "this-is-killing-all-my-taste-buds-but-I-can't-stop-eating-it" type of foods. Very similar to the too-hot latte you consume every morning.

I find this meal very timely since Obama just met with the Chinese president to discuss economics and peace and such. So let's make peace and eat fried rice. That should solve a few problems right there.

Love and China,

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